So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
