You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize