He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
