I wish I could teleport
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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