so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
