Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
