based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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