Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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