So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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