Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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