I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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