Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
