She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
