we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
