he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
