your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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