he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
