So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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