I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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