he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
