I wish I only lived at night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize