We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
