Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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