dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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