Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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