Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
