she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
