you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
