We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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