dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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