I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
