my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize