gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize