Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
