I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
