I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize