youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize