Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
