I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
