Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
