No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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