if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
