Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
