if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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