i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
