If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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