I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
