My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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