I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
