I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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