Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
