nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
