If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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