yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
