No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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