Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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