I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
