she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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