Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i'm inner monologue high
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
