I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize