Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
