the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize