i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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