when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
