exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
