He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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