Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
