Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
