If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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