Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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