if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
