my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
