Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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