plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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