3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
