what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
