One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
