All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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