Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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