i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
