As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
