I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
