i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
