have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
