I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
