Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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