I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
