i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
