they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
