8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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