Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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