these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
