the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
