Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize