Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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