you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
